My Workout Routine
My daily workout routine is pretty standard. I start with a little stretching. A couple toe touches. I limber up with some jogging in place. Then, I rabbit punch the air in order to show the air who’s boss.
After that, I have a small breakfast—usually a few bowls of pasta left over from last night’s carbo-load. Really double load my carbos. Oh, and I’ll slam a raw egg drink, like you see in movies about guys like me. Tough guys.
Then, it’s a jog around Central Park. Sometimes I’ll run with wrist weights or a backpack filled with encyclopedias. But lately, I’ve been picking up piggyback passengers to earn some extra cash. People enjoy a change of pace from pedicabs. I tell ‘em to hold on tight, because we’re really going for it.
I’ll drop my passenger off at the museum or wherever, even though they won’t want to leave. It’s easy to fall in love with a man who runs like a stallion. I tell ‘em, “You can’t climb trees with someone clinging to your back.” (Well, you can, but their faces get all scratched up.)
After the tree climbing, I go for a swim. I can’t really swim, so I just flail about like I’m drowning for an hour. It burns more calories than swimming anyway. So does the screaming.
Finally, I lift some weights. This I do Strongman Competition style. Beer kegs, cannonballs, telephone pole—manly stuff, in case you missed the Freudian symbolism. If I can’t find cannonballs around, I’ll pull a semi trailer with my teeth. Manly style.
Then, it’s five bowls of pasta, a few dozen raw eggs, and off to bed for my 16 hours of sleep. What can I say? It’s pretty standard stuff. I thought about adding a spinning class, but I hear those are pretty tough.
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