Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Carn Horn Guide

On the streets of New York, you’ll hear a lot of car horns. A whole lot. And, you don’t always know what they mean. Well, let me provide you with a quick guide:

Beep – The single beep usually says, “Hey, pedestrians, don’t cross against the light. I’m still coming through in my car.

Honnnkkk– The extended single honk says, “Hey, asshole, you’re the twelfth pedestrian to cross against the light. Get out of my way!”

Honk Beep Beep – The single honk with two beeps explains to a double-parked UPS truck, “Hello. I understand that you have packages to drop off. But, you’ve been blocking the street for forty seconds, and you have another ten before I get out with my golf club.”

Beep Honnnkkk – The short beep and long honk says, “I am a taxi cab in the process of cutting you off, but I’m pretending it’s your fault.”

Honk Honk– The double-tap honk says, “Hello, Ma’am, I enjoy your sexy outfit. Also, I am a scumbag.”

Haaaaaannnnnnk – The extended, nasal honk says, “My Plymouth Duster is about 300,000 miles past busted. I’m not even pressing the horn; I just hit a pothole, and it started on its own.”

Beeeeep Beeeeep – The extended double beep says, “I’m violently angry at the world, but I’m stuck inside this Mini Cooper.”

Ahhooogaaa – The classic ahhooogaaa says, “I’m driving my antique Model-T in this parade. We’re having wholesome fun!”

Honk Honnnkkk Honnnkkk – The single honk followed by an extended double honk says, “Vanessa! Get your ass downstairs! These Rangers tickets cost me $200!”

Beeeeeeeeeeep – The super-extended beep says, “My tiny brain can’t process why traffic exists! Now, I'm mad about paying taxes! Now, I'm hungry, which is making me more angry! Curse my tiny brain!”

Honk Honk Honk – The standard triple honk usually says, “Heads up! I am a bad driver.”