Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Notes From The Inside

I found the most beautiful vase at a flea market this morning. The seller was asking $4000 for it, which is ridiculous. $4000 for mid-century stoneware? So, when he wasn’t looking, I climbed inside and hid.

It’s a big vase, about the size of a tall wine barrel. But, it’s surprisingly cramped in here, since it narrows at the bottom. I’m not sure what I expected to do once I got inside, but I've been working on listening to my instincts more. Maybe, I had some subconscious plan to wait until nightfall and steal it?

Anyway “best laid plans of mice and men,” because someone bought the vase about fifteen minutes ago. Now, I’m in the back of a delivery van headed towards Connecticut. (I might lose my iPhone signal at some point, so I’m sorry if I can’t finish this post.) I don’t know what to do.

Ideally, I could just jump out once we get wherever we’re going and yell, “Surprise!” But, here’s the thing, I think I recognized the voice of the buyer. It’s my ex-wife.

I know, right?!! What are the chances? But, then I started thinking about it, and of course we’d have the same taste in over-sized, stoneware vases. It’s what brought us together in the first place.

So, I think what I’m going to do is this: I’m going to pretend the vase is haunted. I mean, the acoustics in this thing are pretty creepy to begin with. And, I already know tons of trivia about my ex to make it convincing. A couple of whispered details about her grandmother should get this vase thrown out lickety-split.

Anyway, we’re about to go through the tunnel, so wish me luck.