New Job Dos and Don’ts
Now that the economy is picking back up (and your unemployment benefits have finally run out), it’s time to get a job. So, go out a get one … Did you get a job yet? Good. Then, here are a few dos and don’ts for your first day:
Do thank your new boss for the opportunity.
Don’t challenge him to an Indian leg wrestling match.
Do iron your shirt to make a good first impression
Don’t wear your homemade Twilight t-shirt.
Do fill out all your employee paperwork carefully.
Don’t fold it into an origami grasshopper, no matter how incredibly impressive that is.
Do make friends with the receptionist.
Don’t throw up.
Do learn how to transfer calls correctly.
Don’t cut the phone lines so that they can’t call the police.
Do make small talk around the water cooler.
Don’t whisper small talk from behind the water cooler.
Do bring a sack lunch.
Don’t bring your personal chef. People might figure out that you're just there to research your next film role.
Do set up a tricky password for your work email.
Don’t constantly brag about how tricky it is. Everybody already knows it’s t3am3dward.
Do clean up after yourself in the office kitchen.
Don’t clean yourself in the office kitchen.
Do learn about the company’s history.
Don’t cry at the sad parts.
Do put supplies back where you found them.
Don’t pretend you’re putting them to sleep in their little supply cabinet bedroom.
Do refill the photocopier with paper.
Don’t refill the photocopier with lasagna noodles.
Do get there a little early.
Don’t leave there until they promise you can come back tomorrow. Make them pinky swear.
Good luck. Remember, don't do any of the above don'ts. I'm serious.
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