Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Summer Rental Rules

Welcome to Bill and Wendy's summer cottage! This little "cheat sheet" is to help our guests (you) enjoy their (your) stay. If you have any questions, call us at the phone number on the envelope.

- The rental agency probably gave you the keys, or you wouldn't be in here reading this. Unless you're a burglar, in which case STOP BURGLING US!

- Recycle bins are labeled under the sink. We're self-admitted crazies about recycling, so recycle everything. Or else.

- The pilot light in the stove can be tricky. If you singe off your eyebrows, there are eyebrow toupees and spirit gum in the right-hand cabinet.

- There's a tennis racket behind the couch for when bats get inside.

- The plumbing is old, so please no flushing sanitary products or paper towels down the toilet. Also, no number twos.

- There is a canoe in the shed you are welcome to use. As long as you don't mind spiders. Hundreds of spiders.

- The thing that looks like a camera lens and blinking light in the bedroom ceiling is part of the heating system. Please ignore it and continue undressing.

- There’s not really much TV reception out here, but we do have Patch Adams and Teen Wolf Too on VHS. Be kind, rewind!

- If you get cold at night, there are some quilts Bill’s mother made in the chest. You’re welcome to use them. Again, as long as you don’t mind spiders.

- We highly recommend a trip to nearby Lake Patawawawachakikta. It’s name is Native American for “Birthplace of the Leach Plague.” Interesting factoid, don’t you think?

- If anything breaks, Mr. Trufter down the road is the neighborhood “handy man.” He’ll come over and give you a handy.

- The linen closet door sticks. Just hit the handle three times with the wrench, then lift up and to the left, and put your foot against the doorframe where the footprints are. Then, simply twist the knob to the right and jiggle it vertically as you yank back with your full weight. It’s simple.

- If you don’t like the smell of mothballs, you’ve come to the wrong rental cabin.

- The heater in the attic makes some weird noises at night. It is definitely not Bill and I hiding in the attic watching you sleep.

- Please turn over the porch chairs if it rains.

Those are all the rental rules. Enjoy your stay at Casa de Gunderson! And, again, if you have any questions, call the number on the envelope. It may sound like a cell phone is ringing in the attic, but again that’s just the heater.

Cheers,

Wendy & Bill