Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

My Life Goals

I thought I’d share with you guys a list of my life goals. I haven’t read The Secret, but from what I’ve cobbled together, it seems like you’re supposed to externalize your desires. Then, at night, Oprah Winfrey comes and leaves a new car under your pillow. So, this is me externalizing. My life goals are to:

- Someday own a second pair of shorts.

- Travel to Istanbul and really Istanbul it up.

- Remain roguishly handsome.

- Finally get Esperanto up onto its feet.

- Ride on a motorcycle without wetting myself.

- Build my own home. Or, my own Build-A-Bear.

- Finish writing my bucket list.

- Wear more whimsical hats. (“More” both in number of hats and amount of whimsy.)

- Stop hitting on my bosses’ wives.

- Learn how to play two ukuleles at once.

- Buy second ukulele.

- Meet Jim Henson and shake his hand. (This one might be tough.)

- Own a dog that looks like me. A roguishly handsome dog.

- Somehow have my blog “discovered” by the Colbert Report folks, and be instantly hired to write for the show. Failing that, win the lottery.

- Slowly become crotchety and/or curmudgeonly.

- Became better at proofreating.

- Work at a frozen custard stand. Steal as much custard as I can fit in my pockets.

- Stop watching Glee. It’s horrible, but I can’t look away.

- Dance like no one is watching.

- Have kids that look like me. Roguishly handsome daughters.

- Die in an epically heroic manner.

- Have it turn out that I survived somehow. Be lauded.

- Find that pen I lost.