Blog FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: How long have you been writing this blog?
A: How long is the wind? How high is hope? This is a stupid question. Next.
(Whoops, I misread that last question. I started this blog in February of 2010.)
Q: Are you a real person with real human feelings?
A: A mitigated yes.
Q: Is the blog all you do?
A: No. During the day, I design book covers for books that need covering. Also, I spend a good part of my day doubting myself. That takes up time.
Q: Where do you come up with your ideas?
A: Your mom. BURN!!!
Q: What's your favorite brand of beard conditioner?
A: Dr. McKittrick's Lamb Placenta Beard Conditioner. (Imported from New Zealand.)
Q: Do you ever have guest bloggers?
A: Someone offered, but I didn't trust him to do a mediocre job, which would have made me look better by comparison. He would have been too funny.
Q: Have you called your grandmother?
A: Yes, mom, I called her on Sunday.
Q: Who are your inspirations?
A: Jack Handey, Steve Martin, P.G. Wodehouse, Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey, Paul Feig, an obese cat on YouTube that guards socks.
Q: Which is your favorite blog post?
A: I couldn't choose. That'd be like asking me who my second-favorite child is after Jessica.
Q: What's the point of all this?
A: If you're asking about the blog, it's to keep my writing sharp so as to eventually get hired to write professionally. If you're asking about life in general and maybe you're crying while you ask it, stay on the line. I'm here to help.
Q: Has anyone ever asked a real question about this blog?
A: Ever? I think so. Sure, probably. Probably? Maybe. Ever? Can you be more specific?
Q: How many people read your blog every day?
A: Well, according to Google Analytics, it varies between hundreds and one random person in Pittsburgh. Hi, reader in Pittsburgh! I know you're there. Hope that's not creepy.
Q: What's the best pizza in New York?
A: A little place without a sign just south of Kim's Video on 1st Avenue.
Q: Have you ever thought about marketing your blog so that more than just your Facebook friends read it?
A: Stop yelling at me! [takes nap]
Q: Any final thoughts?
A: [groggy from nap] I need to figure out how to get a writing job.
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