Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Proper Attire

Respectful attire and etiquette have gotten misplaced in our mixed-up, modern world. It used to be that men wore hats and ladies wore sundresses and bare feet. But, all that changed. Now, who knows what to wear?

So, as a man of impeccable refinement and taste, I have taken it upon myself to write this, a guide to proper attire in 2011. In each of these locations, consider the following as a sort of socially-accepted uniform for daily life.

The Office

Temporary Worker: Slacks or pencil skirt, blue button-down, dress shoes

Full-Time Employee: Slacks, sweater, black sneakers

IT Manager: SLAYER t-shirt, Cheetos-stained jean shorts, flip-flops

Shopping

Trader Joes: Yoga pants, Susan G. Komen t-shirt, library tote bag

Whole Foods: Wrap sweater, age-inappropriate leggings, pearls

The Container Store: Tennis skirt, diamond engagement ring, pink hoodie with raised Greek letters

Dining

Barbecue Joint: Something barbecue sauce-colored

Steakhouse: French cuff shirts and about forty extra pounds

French Restaurant: Stripped shirt, beret, neck scarf

The Theater

The Opera: Tuxedo, top hat, women's underwear

Broadway Musical: Spiderman sweatshirt, Spiderman baseball cap, Spiderman sippy cup

Movie Theater: Spiderman sweatshirt, Spiderman baseball cap, Spiderman sippy cup

Sporting Events

Golf Game: Golf shirt, golf shoes, protective cup

Kentucky Derby: Fez, leather bustier, pink camouflage kilt, foam finger

American Soccer Bar: Team scarf, team jersey, Anglophilic pretension

Ceremonies

Wedding: Wedding dress (bride), wedding suit (groom), SLAYER t-shirt and Cheetos-stained jean shorts (IT Manager cousin)

Graduation: Cap and gown, dress shoes, debt

Bat Mitzvah: An oversized tan pantsuit you’ll regret for the rest of your life

Home

The Living Room: Flannel pajamas

The Kitchen: Flannel pajamas

The Bedroom: Flannel pajamas? But I thought tonight was sexy night?