Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Like I Like My…

I like my women like I like my coffee.

I like my coffee like I like my pajama pants.

I like my pajama pants like I like my deep dish pizza, and I like my deep dish pizza like I like peeling the protective vinyl film off of LED screens.

I like peeling the protective vinyl film off of LED screens like I like Mid-Century modern furniture, which I like like I like my Netflix Streaming, which in turn I like like I like my hammock.

I like my hammock like I like old Charles Adams cartoons, and I like old Charles Adams cartoons like I like frozen custard with chunks of banana, and I like frozen custard like I like taking a sauna.

Which is to say a lot. I like all of these things a lot. You know what I don’t like? Killing marine life with soda can rings. Let’s stop doing that, you guys.

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The above is what I’d say if I ever become a famous actor on the NBC network, and I get to do one of those “The More You Know” Public Service Announcements. Exactly in those words. And, if those corporate suits try to eff things up and change ONE SINGLE WORD!!! they are going to have a fight on their hands! Yessiree. They are messing with the wrong celebrity, my friends!

I did not scrap my way to the top just so some network stooge can tell me what I can and can’t say. “How ‘bout we say Charles Schultz instead of Charles Adams?” Well, how ‘bout I stick my foot up your dumper, you soulless bureaucrat?

I am an Artist. Capital A. When I say, “Hey, you guys, let’s cool it with the soda rings,” it is because I have chosen those words incredibly carefully. I’m like a goddamn poet with these PSAs. If you don’t like it, maybe you shouldn’t have plucked me from obscurity and given me a makeover and acting lessons and touted me as an up-and-coming star of your television … network…

… Which I guess you haven’t done yet, because this is just an imaginary scenario.

You know what? It’s fine. If you want to change the script for my “The More You Know” PSA, that's fine by me, Mr. Imaginary NBC Executive. Whatever you say. I promise I won’t become a diva.

Probably.