Axe Murderer
Axe murderer is such a weighted term. I mean, yes, when I murder, it tends to be with an axe. But, is that all that defines me? No. I’m much more than that.
I enjoy playing the piano and cooking. I dabble in watercolors. I collect pottery and German medical books and human thumbs.
When people hear the term “axe murderer,” they think of some seven-foot-tall hairy mute, hitchhiking along a desert highway. That hasn’t been me for years. In fact, the more I murder, the chattier I get. Why, that nice newlywed couple I killed last week—I practically talked their delicious ears off.
If I killed people with a gun, would I be called a “gun murderer?” But, you kill one guy with an axe and the media brands you for life. (Alright, it wasn’t just one. But, c’mon!) If I had known people would be so narrow-minded about my work, I would never have sent the newspaper those doll heads.
It’s gotten me thinking; maybe I should try new tools for killing. I’ve always been interested in mining equipment. But, then I think, “Whoa. Who are these people to tell me how to murder? That’s my dog’s job.”
