This Bank Robbery
Guys, this is going to be the best bank robbery ever! Are you psyched? I’m psyched!
Eddie, Turk, One-Eyed-Pete, Jerry—c’mon you guys, this is exciting! Don’t look so serious. I didn’t get into robbing banks to hang around a bunch of Gloomy Gusses. This is supposed to be about getting out, having fun, and holding people at gunpoint.
Seriously, you all need to lighten up. Where’s the joy we had casing this place? Remember how much fun it was bribing a city clerk for these blueprints? Or, when we stayed up all night trying on masks? I want to recapture that feeling for today’s robbery.
We’ve got walkie-talkies for cripe’s sake! You can’t be a grump with a walkie-talkie. And AK-47s! Hey, look at me, I’m Die Hard. Oh my god! I just realized; we’re totally the bad guys from Die Hard. How awesome is that?!
Turk, look at your face. You look like you’re in line at the DMV. Where’s the Turk from last week—the guy who seduced a teller to find out where they keep the dye packs? That Turk knew how to party.
I mean it; this bank heist is going to be a blast. Get it? A blast? Because of the C4. Aha, there’s a smile! There’s a smile out of Jerry. Check out Jerry, everybody. He’s getting into it.
Now, before we leave this hideout, I want some enthusiasm. I want some excitement. And, I want a big group high five. And remember, if the bank guard even blinks, shoot him in the fucking head.
