Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Rumors About the Arthur Remake

With the remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore film Arthur coming out this weekend, I wanted to address a few rumors floating around the Internet.

The original is, of course, a terrific film---funny, sweet, dryly witty in parts, and yes a little sappy. But, that's no excuse for the kind of rampant speculation regarding the new Russell Brand version. So, here are some of the rumors I've found online and their respective accuracy based on weeks of painstaking research:

The Arthur remake was filmed in two days during a rare "Blood Sun" eclipse. True

New translations find that the Mayan calendar actually ends on the release date of the Arthur remake. True

Pets have started fleeing neighborhoods with theaters screening the Arthur remake. True

Russell Brand has been quoted as saying he decided to put his spin on the title role while reading a biography of Pol Pot. False

A man in Cleveland was seen kicking his dog just as a nearby bus stop poster for the Arthur remake began glowing red. Unconfirmed (likely true)

Responsible theaters will be handing out dentist's office lead aprons at all screenings of the Arthur remake. True

When the studio exec who greenlit the Arthur remake walks into a room, all the women inside go barren. True

There were a record number of crew suicides on the set of the Arthur remake. True

Everyone attending a screening of the Arthur remake will contract eyeball herpes. False (numbers exaggerated)

The bloopers reel for the Arthur remake includes a flubbed take in which Russell Brand speaks Sumerian and vomits up thousands of baby sharks. True

The Arthur remake features a 20 minute close-up of Micky Rourke's gooch. True

Theaters showing the Arthur remake will be replacing their usual popcorn with the souls of Russian orphans. False

The Arthur remake contains pro-Al-Qaeda subliminal messages. False

If you say “the Arthur remake” three times in a mirror, you can see how you’ll die. False

Everyone on set had to sign a non-disclosure clause regarding a “mass memory loss event” that occurred during the Arthur remake’s wrap party. True

Burning sage in your home will stop any commercials for the Arthur remake from appearing on your television. False

While researching this blog post, my nose began to bleed what appears to be tar. True

I can hear distant voices whispering Gregorian chants in reverse while I type right now. True

A figure who looks like my grandfather except with a ram’s head and hands of green flame has appeared in the adjoining darkened room. He is warning me to stop writing about the Arthur remake. True

I can’t seem to… I can’t… ack acckkkk…

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