Blowing Raspberries
I've said it before, and I'll say it again; there is nothing gay about two men hanging out and giving each other raspberries on their bellies.
It's just two dudes, being dudes. And, if they wanna place their mouths on each other's tummies and blow, how is that gay? That's just guys doing what guys do.
It's like watching football or playing poker. It's guy stuff. Men need a space to be men, unapologetically. You wouldn't understand unless you're a real manly guy like me. A guy who enjoys man-on-man zerberts.
Listen, I do not mean in any way to imply that homosexuality is wrong or shameful. And, when I say zerberts between two men isn't gay, it's not at all about homophobic fear or shame. I have many gay friends, a few of whom I count as my favorite people. (Hi, Nick & Adam!) I'm just saying that on the spectrum of sexual identities, a guy blowing raspberries on the exposed belly of the other isn't gay. Nor vice versa.
What on Earth could be gay about best friends lying down in the 69 position, nose-to-bellybutton, making funny fart sounds with their mouths on their stomachs? Is it the giggling and squirming you think is gay? Well, I have something to tell you, Mr. Homophobe, straight men giggle and squirm around, too. Especially when there's a beard brushing against their love handles.
I know for a fact it isn't gay, because I was taught this game by my Mormon college roommate, Terrance. And, Terrance didn't become gay until after he divorced his wife last year. So there. Shows what you know.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go blow zerberts into my new heterosexual friend Tom's belly. We met in a rest stop bathroom off of I-95, and we couldn't be straighter.
Good day, sir. I said, good day.
