First Kiss
Honey, I have something to tell you. I've been keeping this a secret for a long time, and it's always weighed on my heart. And, I hope that in finally saying it out loud, we can accept it and move forward stronger than ever.
Remember the story of our first kiss? Remember how you'd tell everyone that you knew it was true love, because a single drop of rain hit your cheek just as we were about to kiss? But, then it didn't rain. Like, somehow our kiss kept the clouds at bay? Well, it wasn't a raindrop. I gleeked on you.
There, I said it. Now, we can move on. Whew, it feels great to get that out in the open! Right? Okay, well, thank you for listening, and we don't ever need to talk about it again---
What's a gleek? ... You're asking what a gleek is? … Um, okay, well a gleek is when … a jet of … an involuntary jet of saliva shoots out of a person's mouth involuntarily. A tiny, tiny jet of saliva. I'm not sure where from---maybe from inside the cheek or under the tongue---
No no no! I didn't spit on you! It was just a gleek. That's totally different. I would never spit on you---
Yeah, but---
No, see---
Whoa, alright, slow down. I think I see the sticking point here. You seem to be assigning some sort of intentionality to gleeks, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. It is totally involuntary.
Here, let me look up the definition on my phone. I’m sure that’ll settle things ... Geez, bad reception. Let me just hold this up to the window, and...
There, see. A gleek is a “fan of the tv show Glee.” Goddamnit! That’s not what gleek means, Internet! God, I hate that stupid show! Who names their own fans? Stupid, self-satisfied asshole television.
Anyway, listen, while my phone reloads, let me just say that it doesn’t matter if it was a raindrop or an unintentional gleek. Our first kiss was beautiful and special, and even eleven years later, I’ll never forget it.
We were standing under that street lamp on West Washington Avenue, and you were wearing that green polka dot dress, and you’re hair was tied back. And, when I leaned in---
Yes, polka dot. Green with white polka dots ... Becky Santos? Oh, you’re right! That was Becky Santos who had the polka dots. Oh my god, that’s true. Wow, whatever happened to Becky? She was such a sweetheart ...
Honey? Honey, where are you going? ... Don’t go! It was only a gleek!
Sweetie...
[muttering] Dammit, that fucking show Glee ruins everything. I hate that show.
