Presidents’ Day
As a former sitting president of the United States, I gotta say that I love Presidents’ Day! It’s my all-time favorite holiday.
Every year, my children wake me up with breakfast in bed. It’s never anything special---just burnt toast and grapefruit juice. You can’t really expect them to be able to cook. They are only state governors, after all.
On the tray, there’s usually a bud vase and a crudely-wrapped gift box. Every year, it’s a new American flag pin. We joke about it being a cliché, but they know I love it.
My wife will get me a nice card from Walgreens and have the whole family sign it. Two years in a row, it’s been the same “World’s Greatest President” card, but I didn’t mention it. Wouldn’t want to embarrass her. I know the choices are pretty slim at Walgreens, especially considering how few living U.S. presidents there are.
After the morning is over, the rest of the day is mine. I don’t have to mow the lawn or give any speeches to the U.N. Conference on Trade and Development.
Instead, I go down to the snack stand near the mini golf place and get my free small dish of frozen custard. I can afford to pay, but I look forward all year for that freebie. It’s the little things.
This year’s Presidents’ Day was especially nice.
My wife, the former first lady, was presenting at a fundraising banquet at night, so I got to stay home to look after the grandkids. We watched It’s Presidents’ Day, Charlie Brown, and I made grilled cheese.
We played board games in the secret bunker underneath my Presidential library. Then, I tucked them into bed and wrote a chapter in my memoir about the different ways we tried to kill Castro. Did you know exploding cigars are a real thing? Crazy stuff.
I honestly can’t wait ‘til next year.
