Jump Starting Your Juggling Career
Here are 10 easy steps to take your professional juggling to the next level:
Step 1 First off, you should realize that you are pretty goofy looking. I mean, with that hairstyle, I assume it’s intentional. Just make sure you own it and move on.
Step 2 Master the fundamentals. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a so-called professional who can’t even get five chainsaws in the air. These are the basics, people. Lock ‘em down.
Step 3 Get a good stage name. Something bar mitzvah friendly.
Step 4 Work on your banter. Silence shows you’re struggling with a trick. Fill your onstage routine with uncontroversial topics like Sarah Palin or slavery reparations—stuff that won’t distract from your act.
Step 5 Avoid romantic relationships. The guys making it big in the juggling industry are out there every night, hitting the juggling clubs for stage time. A girlfriend will only slow you down.
Step 6 Find a good manager. There are thousands of showbiz agents chomping at the bit to find the next big juggling act. Look on craigslist. If any ask for your credit card number, that’s just a test to see if you’re cool. Are you cool?
Step 7 Plaid pants. Rainbow suspenders. Never the reverse.
Step 8 Don’t water down your show with non-juggling. Balloon animals are awesome; I’m the first one in line for balloon animals. But, balloon animals won’t get you laid. And, that’s what this is all about, right?
Step 9 Your juggling set should always progress in order of difficulty. For example: balls, clubs, knives, flaming clubs, flaming knives, chainsaws, sedated chickens, newspapers, awake chickens, slinkies, flaming slinkies.
Step 10 Treat every show like it might be your last. Because, you never know. I’ve seen you juggling knives, and you’re not very good.
