Thank You, Oprah
In honor of Oprah ending her show, I want to take a moment to acknowledge all she’s given to us all over the years. So, if you’ll allow me, I’d like to thank Oprah for a few things:
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for teaching us to define ourselves through consumer goods.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for sharing The Secret with us.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for giving Jenny McCarthy a nationwide platform to discourage childhood vaccination.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for a constant flow of gurus.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for providing a safe place for closeted Scientologists to talk about their private jets.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for bringing us the person who brought us the word "yummo."
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for getting the world to read books with “buzz.”
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for inspiring Tyra Banks to be the way she is.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for helping corporations pass off public relations giveaways as charity.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for making suburban soccer moms refer to their genitals as “va-jay-jays.”
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for all the screaming.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for the Backstreet Boys reunion.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for turning on James Frey and making his artistic/self-promotional choices seem like a personal emotional assault against you and your viewers.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for a southern psychologist who berates people for a half hour in place of therapy.
Farewell, Oprah. Thank you for teaching us that it doesn’t matter what weight a woman is, as long as she defines herself by her constant struggle with weight.
Thank you, Oprah. You’ve left the world and yourself a richer place.
