Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Alright, On Three…

Posted on March 23, 2010

Alright, calm down. It’s gonna be okay. I know you’re scared, but you can do this. We can do this. I promise. We’re going to have to deliver your baby inside this elevator.

No no no, I understand. You’re upset. You wanted to have your baby in a hospital or maybe at home like a hippie. But, we’re trapped inside this stalled elevator, and your baby says it’s time to come out. So, I’m going to need you to breathe, and when I say so, I want you to push as hard as you can.

Shhh, it’s okay. Don’t fight it. It’s Mother Nature. Women have been having babies for centuries. Maybe longer. Just go with your instincts. Now, I don’t have any towels or boiling water with me, but I do have this suede jacket a bottle of Aquafina—

What? You’re not in labor? But, you’re sweating and breathing so hard. Yeah, I guess you were running to make the elevator before the doors closed. That would explain it.

Wait a minute, you are pregnant though, right? Good! Phew! Good, ‘cause if you weren’t nine months pregnant, this would have been way more embarrassing. Two months? Oh. Well, congratulations on twins. No? Just a big lady. Okay.

Wow, I hope they get this elevator moving soon …

Sorry I didn’t hear you earlier when you asked me to hold the doors. iPod …

Have you thought about any names? Right, I’ll be quiet.

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