The Imperfect Pushup
Dear Perfect Pushup Manufacturer,
I am writing to complain that you have sold a defective product, and I demand my money back.
Seven months ago, walking past a GNC store, I saw your exercise device—The Perfect Pushup—and I purchased said device. This morning, when I finally opened the box and attempted one of these so-called “perfect pushups,” I found it incredibly difficult impossible. How, in good conscience, can you sell an exercise product too difficult to use by those most in need of exercise?
The Perfect Pushup is simply unworkable. I have tried everything in the last fifteen minutes—using both hands, girl pushups, taking frequent breaks—and none of it has made your product easy or effortless. I am still grossly overweight.
I called GNC to exchange the defective merchandise, but they refuse to accept any return now covered in cat hair and bits of cereal. Therefore, I am emailing you directly.
I insist on a refund of the full purchase price of $39.99 for the Perfect Pushup, which I assure you I paid, not the sale price of $14.99 listed on my receipt. Also, an apology for wasting my morning. If I do not hear back from you within ten business days, I will be seeking legal counsel from my downstairs neighbor, Larry.
Sincerely,
Andrew Ross
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