You Stupid Computer!
Oh man, computer! Why can’t you just work for once? Damn it, you were supposed to be auto-saving! I expected you to crash. You always crash. But, at least auto-save. I hate you, you stupid computer.
Look at you, sitting there on the desk, acting like it’s my fault. Don’t even pretend this is about me not running an update. I update you plenty.
Listen, I don’t want to fight in front of the lamp. Lamp, this isn’t about you. We both love you. But, sometimes the computer and I, we just don’t see eye-to-webcam. Especially since the new printer showed up.
Yeah, computer, don’t think I didn’t notice that’s when the problems started. As soon as I installed the new printer driver, everything changed between us. Suddenly, you stopped receiving my email. Your start-up time got slower. Your trash icon vanished.
You think I don’t notice you running in stand-by mode with the printer all night? I might not care so much if the printer had a secure wi-fi connection, but we both know it doesn’t. God knows what kind of viruses the printer is picking up out there. I can’t even look at you, knowing its USB plug has been inside you.
Look what you’ve done; you’ve upset the chair. Now it’s squeaking.
Listen, I gotta take a walk to clear my head. Maybe spend some time on my smartphone. That’s right, computer; I have a smartphone on the side. It makes me feel young and free, and it plays Scrabble with me in the park. And, unlike you, my smartphone gets my email. Any time I want it.
Chair, lamp, file cabinet, don’t you worry; I’ll come back. You will always be my office furniture. I promise. The computer and I both just need some time to cool off, that’s all.
See ya later, light switch.
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