Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Types of People

There are only two types of people in the world—cat people or dog people.

Cat people like cats for their independence and willingness to poop in a box. Dog people like dogs for their adoration and ability  to clean up dropped food. That’s it. Those are the two types of people.

I guess there is a third type of person—the kind who likes both cats and dogs. Someone who enjoys a box full of poop in their closet and a living Roomba. So, then there are only three types of people in the world.

Wait, I just thought of something. There are probably some people out there who don’t like either cats or dogs. That makes sense, right? Logically? That would mean there are four types of people in the world—cat, dog, cat and dog, neither cat nor dog.

What about turtles, though? Somebody out there likes turtles instead of cats or dogs. Is that a sub-category of the neither-cat-nor-dog group? Oh man, this is getting complicated. Because, there’s probably someone who likes turtles and cats but not dogs.  If that’s a sub-category of the cats-only group, then it’s weird that those two sub-categories are diverging. Both people, after all, enjoy turtles. Probably for their little turtle-like faces.

I need to get a pencil and paper. Give me a minute…

Alright, I’m back. I’ve done some preliminary calculations. It seems like there’s an infinite number of types of people in the world. I know that may sound shocking, but the math all works out.

That would mean there are an infinite number of people in the world, one for each type of person. How can all those people fit on one planet? I’ve come up with a theory. It’s that there are both people and anti-people, all existing across multiple dimensions within the same space.

Here, I’ve drawn a diagram … No, not that. That’s a turtle wearing a hat.

Who should I call about this breakthrough finding? Harvard? The Air Force? The world needs to know about these turtle-loving anti-people before it’s too late.

THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!