Questions
Who was the first person to discover the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? Was it a Civil War doctor?
You guys, did you know that the scientific name for belly buttons is navels? It's pronounced just like the oranges... YOU GUYS?!!
How come nobody who likes frozen yogurt has superpowers? Is that a thing? Does frozen yogurt keep you from having superpowers?
Holy cow, has anyone ever noticed that Italy is shaped like a boot? IS THAT HOW WE INVENTED BOOTS?!!
So, Hobbits must have big ol' dingers right? I mean, proportionally big. But still... Right, you guys?
Ladies, did you know you have little baby seeds inside you right now? Super weird.
Who invented bananas? Because, good job!
Did you know that our first President looked exactly like the guy on our quarters? Do you think they planned that?
Why does everybody get so grumpy whenever I point out that they’re grumpy?
Heat kills bacteria right? Because, I just found a totally free bottle of Caesar salad dressing on the hot sidewalk!!!
Have you guys ever tried an avocado? It’s shaped like a pear, but it tastes just like guacamole! You guys!!!
Who made dinosaurs? Is there a separate Dinosaur God with His own bible and everything?
Why do banks make it so hard to get your money out of them when they’re closed? Ugh, I need to buy something!
How many baby carrots can I stick up my nose? TRICK QUESTION!! It’s two.
Which came first, Mexico or New Mexico? Because, I’ve been to New Mexico, and everyone there seems pretty old. While, everyone at Senior Frogs in Cancun seemed pretty drunk.
Where do babies get that great smell? Can you buy that at the carwash, or do I have to just keep rubbing myself with babies every morning?
Have you ever read the novelization of the movie Jingle All the Way? It sticks pretty close to the plot. Unlike those stupid Twilight books.
Did you know you can get pregnant just by having unprotected sex in a hottub?
How come you have to make lemonade with God’s lemons? Are you saying God’s lemons aren’t good enough for lemon meringue pie? That’s blasphemous!
Who’s your favorite Beatle? Mine’s that one guy with the song thingy.
Okay, bye, you guys!
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