Man of 1,000 Slightly Different Voices
Thank you for booking Andy Ross, the Man of 1,000 Slightly Different Voices, for your next party or business conference. You have made the correct choice for your entertainment needs. Or, as we like to say, you’ve made the correct 1,000 slightly different choices.
This confirmation email will cover a few basics and expectations for your event with Andy. If you have any further questions after reading through this, please feel free to respond to this address.
First off, many people ask, “What kind of slightly different voices can we expect?” Excellent question. This is a very good question. Good job.
The answer is that you should expect the unexpected. Andy has spent decades as a dialogologist, carefully mastering slightly different voices from around the globe. For instance, during any given performance, Andy might do any or all of the following voices:
- Cockney scamp
- Cockney scamp with a head cold
- Cockney scamp with a stammer
- Drunk cockney scamp
- Cockney scamp who burnt his tongue on hot pizza
- Cockney scamp experiencing a minor stroke
- Cockney scamp who spent the summers of his youth with an uncle in Louisiana
- Cockney scamp doing a poor impression of a Canadian
- A Canadian doing a spot-on impression of a Cockney scamp
- Cockney flower girl
- Cockney flower woman
- Cockney scamp who got hit on the head and now thinks he’s Jack Nicholson, even though he’s never really seen a Jack Nicholson movie
- Overly-tired Cockney scamp
- Cockney scamp who took broadcast journalism classes to try to lose his accent
- Cockney scamp playing up his accent to impress an American tourist girl
- Cockney non-scamp
And, that’s just the first 15 of 1,000 unique, exciting, and slightly different voices you might hear from this master of mimicry.
Some of you might also ask, “Does the Man of 1,000 Slightly Different Voices actually use all 1,000 slightly different voices over the course of one show?” The answer is yes. Yes he does. However, the differences between the voices are incredibly subtle, and Andy may switch between as many as seven voices per sentence. Keep your ears and your minds open, or you might miss one.
“Does Andy ever repeat a slightly different voice?” others of you might be asking. Well, we don’t want to ruin it for you, so just picture us shrugging right now with an impish grin, as if we are saying, “Wouldn't you like to know?”
Still others of you might ask, “Does Andy ever do more than 1,000 slightly different voices?” No. Never. That's not what we do here.
“So, is this like a monologue or a conversation type thing? I mean, what? Is this guy just cycling through a bunch of voices, or is this part of some greater performance piece?”
Wow, that's a good question. We hadn't really thought about that one before. We guess he simply cycles through 1,000 slightly different voices. Just based on previous performances, it's mostly nonsense talk.
That said, please don’t try to engage Andy in conversation, or he might get thrown off and have to start over.
“What if, after the first 200 or so slightly different voices, we decide our party has had enough, and we don't want to hear the remaining 800 slightly different voices?”
Okay, well, you paid for 1,000 slightly different voices, so that’s what you’re getting. Once Andy starts a performance, he doesn't stop until it's over. Don't try talking over him or moving to another room, because that will hurt his feelings, and he’ll just dejectedly mumble the rest of the performance to himself. Possible in his car with the windows rolled up.
“Have we made a mistake in booking this guy for our event?” No no no no no no. This is going to be great. We’re not sure how this FAQ got so downbeat and judgmental. It's a great show. Super fun and silly. 1,000 slightly different voices---how cool is that?
So, yeah, this is going to be great. Your party or business event is in for a real treat. Don’t worry about it. Um… yeah, it’ll be great.
Again, if you have any questions, simply reply to this email address. Or call, I guess. Whatever works. We’re around.
Sincerely,
1,000 (Slightly Different) Voice Productions, LLC
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