Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Nicknames

Alright, new guys, I'm running low on nicknames, so you're gonna have to take whatever's left. I'm sorry, but I've met a lot of people in my life, and I've given every single one of them a nickname. The choices are kinda slim at this point.

Speaking of slim---you are tall and slender. I've already used up Slim, Beanpole, and Skinny Steve. I guess I'll have to call you... Obelisk. Which is also something tall and thin. You're welcome.

You nickname will be StrongJaw.

Yours will be Mr. Magoo. No, wait; I have a Mr. Magoo. Your nickname will be Squints. No wait, Pinchface McSquints. That’s more appropriate.

You’ll be Gomer.

You will be Goober.

Your nickname will be The Old Goat. I like your white beard and your vigor in chewing gum, by the way.

You're going to be called Banana Hands.

Your nickname will be Turkey Bacon. Because you have hands the size of a bunch of bananas, and you smell like turkey bacon.

Your nickname is going to be... No Glasses Guy. Because you look like a guy I worked with named Glasses Guy, except without his glasses. Do you wear contacts? No? Good.

You'll be named Fat Steve. I already have a Skinny Steve, and need to balance that out. I hope you understand, Fat Steve.

You will be nicknamed Guy-Next-to-Fate-Steve.

You---wear this beret for a second. Alright, your nickname from now on is Pierre. Never take off that beret, or I might forget your name.

You will be Barnum.

You will be Blue Shirt.

Your nickname will be FaceDude.

You will be nicknamed Bowie, because you are David Bowie. It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Bowie. I'm a huge fan of your music.

You shall be Blue Shirt Number Two.

Alright, all the rest of you who haven’t gotten nicknames yet, wait here. I am going to go grab a thesaurus and some name tags. Bowie, you can go. I’m sure you’re very busy being David Bowie.

Be back in a sec. Hold down the fort, FaceDude.