How Cities Work
It’s amazing how cities work, don’t you think? Millions of people come together to create communities that support and provide for each other.
Nurses and doctors care for the sick. Teachers watch over our children. Construction workers inform our women if their skirts are too short or if their breasts are the correct size.
Firefighters protect our homes from tragedy. Postal workers bring us our Entertainment Weekly magazines. Mole people eat our subway intruders.
Cities are like giant, intricate clocks, and citizens are the gears. Everyone has their function, and only together do we create a livable society.
Policemen patrol the streets. Hot dog vendors fill us with pig anuses and bits of raccoon. Chiropractors pretend they have meaningful credentials. Our mayors put their names on signs.
Sanitation workers clear away our waste. Freelancers keep our coffee shop tables occupied. Street performers get the Titanic theme stuck in our heads. Dentists put us under anesthesia and then make sure our penises are clean.
It makes you think, where do I fit in? What do I contribute? Whose penis do I keep clean? I mean, besides my own. How did we get started talking about penises? I thought we were talking about cities.
St. Patrick’s Day Limericks
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I decided to write a few limericks for yourselves. This was probably the most fun I've had in a long while, so expect more down the line.
Along the Saint Paddy’s parade
A few drunken friendships were made;
We’d let out a cheer,
Spilling pints of green beer
And then vomit the color of jade.
When a newlywed couple got bored
They attempted at something untoward;
They began on the stairs
But were caught unawares
By the pressure on her spinal cord.
There was a young man, last name Riddle
With a pain deep inside of his middle;
It was from a disease,
And whenever he’d sneeze,
He’d shit in his pants just a little.
There was a shy freshman named Lee,
Whose crush threw a dorm room orgy;
When he wasn’t invited,
Lee stayed up all night ‘nd
Thought of her while he played with his Wii.
Tess McNeil was a bit of a runt;
Her stature had always been stunt;
What she lacked in her height
She made up for at night,
For she had her the world’s largest bed.