Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Children’s Books

Posted on October 14, 2010

As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to write a children's book. Ever since I started reading them, myself. What was that, two years ago?

But, the brainstorming process is sooooooo hard. Not to say that I don't have any ideas. Just the opposite. I have so many ideas for children's books, I can't narrow them down. Here are a few of my top contenders, if you feel like helping me choose:

The Laughiest Giraffe
Gilda the Giraffe was raised by hyenas and loves to laugh. Will she learn to stop laughing at the other giraffes before they shun her forever for being a jerk?

The Funkiest Skunk
Stuart the Skunk lives and breathes disco. However, every time he steps out on the lighted disco floor, he nervously sprays his anal scent glands all over the crowd. Poor Stuart. How will he find his groove?

The Luckiest Duck
Dennis the Duck wins the Powerball and becomes the most famous duck in Central Park. But, will his lavish gifts to his goose entourage bankrupt Dennis before he has a chance to buy a yacht to sail south for the winter?

The Stinkiest Mink
Morris the Mink gets picked on for how much he stinks. It’s his lactose intolerance. Little do the bullies know that Morris’s foul smell is the only thing keeping him from becoming some rich lady’s coat. The happy ending finally comes when Morris recognizes a couple of his tormentors hanging in a shop window.

The Brattiest Bat
Bethany the Bat has gotten everything she’s ever wanted—the nicest caves, the spookiest bell towers. Her parents even paid Kayne West to perform at Bethany’s sweet sixteen. But, now she’s on her own in the big city trying to start her clothing line. Does she have what it takes?

The Scariest Mare
Doris the Horse is the protagonist of this psychological thriller, but she’s not the book’s namesake. The title comes from Claire the Mare. She’s Doris’s stepmother, and for most of the book, you think she might be trying to kill Doris.

The Brawniest Swan
Steven the Swan knows that swans are supposed to be delicate and graceful. But, when the pond’s football team needs a new linebacker, he decides to follow his dream and bulk up on protein powders and anabolic steroids.

The Wackiest Cat
Clarissa the Cat sure is wacky. Look at how wacky that cat is. What’s she doing now? Dog impressions? How wacky!

The Harriest Ferret
Frederick the Ferret makes a wish that his bald spot will go away. But, never make a wish on a monkey’s paw! Things always go wrong—like growing more and more fur until it fills the entire house. Things only get worse when Frederick wishes his big brother was there to help him. His dead big brother.

These ideas are just the first of many, many books. Hundreds. Let me know if you have any publisher friends. I need to get these children’s books out to help shape the minds of tomorrow. Precious, impressionable minds.