Everywhere Person
Hi there. Sorry to bother you. We’ve never met, but I wanted to point out that you’re my Everywhere Person. Do you know what that is? It means that I bump into you everywhere. Not only in our neighborhood, but sometimes near my work or at concerts or restaurants.
Have you noticed it too? I guess about a month ago, we were in line at IKEA at the same time. Before that, you were in the audience at a stand-up show I did. We seem to travel in the same social circles but don’t know each other yet. You were at my friend Claire’s book reading, so you must know Claire.
Maybe we should go ahead and skip all the mutual acquaintances and formal introductions and go straight to being friends. I mean, we both like Wilco. I saw you in the beer line at their Coney Island concert. And, we both support local bookstores, since I’ve bumped into you twice at the one on 81st. Also, we both use the same shampoo. I noticed you buying it last week at Walgreens. It’s pretty good shampoo, right?
We both enjoy midcentury graphic design. I spotted you carrying a huge Campari poster up your front stairs last week. Also, we both like Trader Joe’s frozen rice. There was an empty box of it in your trash. And, guess what? We both have wives named Colleen. Again, I know from looking through your trash. Your cable bill is getting pretty steep, huh?
What do you say we grab lunch sometime? We can go to the Thai place you seem to like on Broadway. You must, since you eat there every Tuesday around noon. It’d be a good chance for me to return that comb I took from your bedroom.
We both snore, by the way. Funny coincidence.
