How to Miss an Eclipse
Across the history of mankind, eclipses have been occasions for hushed awe and reverence. Often occurring once in a lifetime, each eclipse is an important keystone in marking our brief yet significant existence against the vastness of celestial infinity.
Here are a few tips for forgetting to watch a lunar eclipse:
1) A week ahead, fully intend to watch the eclipse. Maybe clip out the newspaper's weather page and stick it to your fridge.
2) On Monday, absentmindedly place a takeout menu in front of that same newspaper clipping.
3) Have a hard day at work.
4) Come home having forgotten to pick up bread to go with soup. Run back out for bread.
5) Do laundry. Preferably reds or warm darks, as those have been piling up.
6) Crash in front of the TV. Watch a Netflix episode of some show that's supposedly good but actually terrible. It need only be totally, brainlessly watchable. Any show off Showtime will do, though I myself prefer something with a female spy and/or assassin.
7) Repeat the previous step several times. Wow, Eliza Dushku can really mangle exposition. Huh.
8) Feel guilty about leaving the dishes in the sink for your spouse.
9) Check in on Facebook for a few hours. Somehow avoid seeing references to the eclipse in four separate statuses.
10) Download a iPhone game involving zebras racing down water slides.
11) This is the most important step: Remain awake and fully dressed during the eclipse. Be too focused on your game of Wacky Rapidz to remember the eclipse is happening.
12) Fall into bed around 3am.
13) Wake up early the next morning and watch a news story about the eclipse while you brush your teeth.
14) Write your blog post on the train.
