Mannequin
I never really understood the movie Mannequin, until I saw a mannequin I truly wanted to make love to. Not just sex, but making love.
You know what movie I’m talking about? It stars Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall? Meshach Taylor plays a flamboyant homosexual? It was one of those late 80s movies about romance between a man and a mythical woman. Like Splash, Date with an Angel, Miracle Beach, Hello Again … others.
At the time, I could never understand the basic premise of those movies. I mean, sure, every guy wants to have sex with a mermaid or a mannequin, but who wants a long-term relationship with one? Doesn’t the magic stop once the magic stops? Then, one day, I saw the most beautiful, compelling mannequin I’d ever laid eyes upon.
She was in the window of a Chico’s Outlet store off of I-80. I can’t really explain what drew me to her—her poise, her eyes, the way she wore that beige turtleneck. Whatever it was, I knew this was a mannequin made for more than just fucking. This was a mannequin for true love.
I was too shy to approach her that day. She was working, after all. But, as soon as I drove off without telling her my name, I knew it was the biggest mistake of my life. I began sending her love letters addressed to Chico’s corporate headquarters. I wrote her some songs that I posted on Youtube. I submitted to Missed Connections.
None of it worked. I realized I’d missed my chance with such an exquisite, fiberglass woman. I’d like to think there’s more than one soul mate out there, but deep in my heart I know she was my one and only. I’ll always lament the day that I failed to kidnap and then make sweet love to that mannequin in the Chico’s window.
Despite the heartache, one thing I did learn is the meaning behind all those 80s films. It’s not about nebbish-y men learning to stand up to their goofy friends hoping to make a quick buck off exposing the magic. It’s not about the mystical transformations of those women from magical super-being to submissive girlfriend. Those movies are really about looking deep into a fake, idealized woman and seeing something no one else sees—her soul.
Then it’s about having sex with that soul. Long-term, monogamous sex.
[sigh] What could have been …
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