Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

April Fools’ Day

Posted on April 1, 2011

Hey, guys, I have a great idea for an April Fools’ Day prank this year. I think we should murder people!

I know, right? Such a funny prank. I love coming up with prank ideas for April First. I mean it's like, "Hello? Don't you doofuses remember what day it is? You so deserve all the embarrassment of getting murdered.”

Oh my god, can you imagine the looks on their face when we murder them? They'll be all like, "Whaaa? Are you murdering me? I so totally didn't expect that." And, we'll be all like, "Yeah, boom! Prank!" Ha ha ha ha! Priceless.

I figure we'll dress up all in black tracksuits with pantyhose over our heads. And, we'll draw grinning devil faces in lipstick over the pantyhose and we’ll use ceremonial knives---totally create a sense of authenticity to the prank. Really do it up, full-prankster-style.

Oh man, this is gonna be awesome! Remember last April First, when we lit that orphanage on fire? Such a funny prank. All those orphans were out on the lawn crying, and we ran up and were all like, "Dude, you guys are so pranked! Ha haa!" The looks on their faces!

And, by the time the police came, we had all snuck down into the sewers, where we've been living for the past twelve months planning our next prank. Remember that? Remember how we built a civilization down here based on discarded food scraps and watching YouTube videos of flash mobs?

And, we've been planning a new world order where we---the hilarious prankers---terrorize the plebeian, fool populace.

Well, now is the time to rise up and deliver our devastating endgame prank! Now is the time to return to the surface world and begin our thousand years of despotic, prank-filled rule!

Rise up, my army! Rise, pranksters! Rise, punkers! Rise funsters and cut-ups! Rise, goofballs and thugs, jackasses and guerilla theaterists! Join me in arms.

The drumbeat commences on the horizon. Lo, it portends our advance. The hounds of prank strain against their leash. Can you hear their roar? I said, CAN YOU HEAR THEIR ROAR?!!




The World’s Most Elaborate Prank

Posted on May 26, 2010

The world’s most elaborate prank started out with a simple idea: What if my friend Pete and I pulled off the world’s most elaborate prank? After that, though, things got complicated.

First off, we’d need people--tons of people, all in on the prank. But, how would we organize them? So, back in the early 60’s, Pete and I invented the Internet. We knew it would be awhile before our invention caught on, however that was okay. We had plenty of other pieces of the prank to set into motion.

Besides people, we’d need proper financing to pull off the world’s most elaborate prank. In order to do that, we decided to gradually shift the nation’s economy from an industrial system towards an information- and money market-based economy. And, we had to make it look natural and unforced. Fortunately, Pete’s dad was a Mason, so he walked us through that kind of stuff.

Okay, moving on to the major players in the world's most elaborate prank. We knew we’d need the following:
- an Oscar-winning actress
- a male scientist with red hair and deep gray eyes
- the head of marketing for a major big box retailer from Sweden
- seventeen sets of identical twins
- a goofus of an ex-president who left behind a fiscal crisis and two wars
- a woman with a hot air balloon shaped like a basset hound
- Bill Pullman
- and a professional lady bug wrangler

The first seven were easy, because Pete was part of Skull & Bones in college. (I’m more of the idea man, and he’s the connector.) But, the lady bug wrangler turned out to be a real problem. It seems that most lady bug wranglers are deeply religious. And, of course, once they heard about our prank and rejected us, they had to be locked away so as to not ruin the world’s most elaborate prank.

Wait, did you hear that? Shhh …

Someone’s coming! I can’t tell you any more. Just be in Cedar Rapids, Iowa on July 17th at 2:13pm. Wear a WackyWonderz Brand gorilla costume. A man named Bill will hand you a legal pad with an address. Go there and await further instructions.

This is gonna be awesome.