Your Last Meal
Alright, Billy. It looks like the governor’s not giving you that pardon. So, it’s time to think about your last meal. What would you like before you go to the chair?
Steak and a milkshake? Really? No no, it’s nothing. Order whatever you want. I just figure you can get anything in the world for your last meal. Steak and a milkshake is fine, I guess. Kind of boring, though.
No, whatever you’d like to eat. Steak and a shake it is. Absolutely.
Unless... Have you ever tried oysters? What! You’re kidding me! You’ve never eaten oysters? Oh my god, you have to try oysters. Everybody needs to eat oysters at least once before they—
Anyway, you’ve got to try oysters. A nice steak and oysters—that’s a classy last meal. A milkshake wouldn’t be too good with oysters, though. Maybe rethink the milkshake. How about a Bloody Mary?
Shut up, you’ve never had a Bloody Mary, either? Billy, you have to get a Bloody Mary. There’s nothing better with oysters than a Bloody Mary. Oh man, the celery salt and the Worcestershire—it’s so good. Trust me, you’re gonna love Bloody Marys. They’re going to be your new favorite thing.
So it’s steak, oysters, and a Bloody Mary for your last meal. What kind of steak would you like? Ehhh, filet mignon is not really the best steak. I mean, I know it’s got the name recognition, but it doesn’t have the flavor profile to stand up to oysters. You know what’s good with oysters is lamb.
Yeah, sure, I guess lamb can be a little fatty for some people without refined palettes. Fine, you don’t want lamb? I got it. I know what’d be great instead of steak. Rabbit. I really feel you should try rabbit. It’s not to everyone’s taste, but totally worth the gamble. Maybe braised with capers and a hint of cilantro?
And, on the side, some fine cheeses. Like stinky feet cheese. Some people go their whole lives without eating stinky cheese. It takes awhile to get used to, but there’s a big payoff. Plus, it goes terrific with the fishiness of oysters.
Billy, I truly think you’ll love this last meal. I bet before you came to prison, you only ever ate McDonalds and boxed macaroni. Am I right? I thought so. This last meal is going to blow your mind. Seriously, you’re gonna see what you’ve been missing this whole time.
Alright, well, the nurse is coming in to shave your head for the electrodes. And, the priest should be here later for last rites. In the meantime, I am going to go place this food order for you.
For dessert, I hope you like surprises! I’ll give you a hint: molecular gastronomy. That’s all I’m gonna say.
