Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Additional Laws of Robotics

Posted on June 26, 2010

We all know the First Three Laws of Robotics. Heck, every child learns them in their third grade Robot Studies class. But, even many adults don’t realize the complexity of the robot legal system. So, here’s a list of the amendments to the Robot Constitution of 2042:

Law 1 – A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Law 2 – A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

Law 3 – A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Law 4 – A robot’s eyes must shift to red moments before it turns evil.

Law 5 – A robot must tilt its head to the side to indicate it is intrigued by concepts such as “love” or when it first meets a barking dog.

Law 6 – A robot must only dance in the awesome “robot style” of dancing.

Law 7 – A robot must not swim within a half hour after recharging.

Law 8 – A robot must always cede the right of way to a human inside the vacu-tube system.

Law 9 – A robot must have a shutoff switch at the nape of its neck. ‘Cause of the evil thing.

Law 10 – A robot must have both flathead and Phillips-head screwdriver attachments for its forefinger.

Law 11 – Lady robots must always be sexy, but a classy kind of sexy.

Law 12 – If a robot’s head is removed from its body, the body must become kind of bumbling in its search for the head.

Law 13 – A robot cop must say if it’s a robot or not when you ask it. Otherwise, this drug bust is entrapment, man.

Law 14 – A few robots must communicate in beeps and boops for some reason.

Law 15 – A robot must never scoff at its owner’s Cheetos-stained shirt and anime collection.

For the complete list of the remaining 220,651 Robot Laws, please plug holo-chip number 178532.823b into the memory port of your iGlasses.