Dealing With Stress
Everybody has a something that stresses them out--a trigger that makes them feel like the world's closing in around them. For instance, my trigger is everything.
However, you can move past your stress. When it feels like an invisible hand is squeezing your heart and you might dump in your pants (Everyone feels that way, right? It's not just me?) here are a few tips to help you de-stress:
- RELAX!!! Jesus Christ, it's just stress! Rub some dirt on it and get back in the game.
- Try breathing into a paper bag or dry cleaning bag taped around your neck.
- One part scotch, two parts ice.
- Put your head between your knees and have someone rub your back. Nobody too attractive, though, or that might make you more nervous.
- Go for a quiet walk. 12 to 15 miles oughta do it.
- Deconstruct exactly what it is that's making you anxious. Really wallow in a loop of thinking about why you're anxious.
- Concentrate on your breathing. It should be in then out. Never out then in!
- A pet can be very calming. My ferret, for instance, soothes me with its disgusting musk smell and biting.
- Jazzercise.
- Picture in your mind a peaceful, tropical island with a calm breeze. Alright, now let's imagine some rum and pirate treasure. And, I don't know, free HBO or something.
- Try a warm bath with scented candles and guilty masturbation.
- Make a list of all the things you can do to fix whatever is bothering you. Wow, look at all that stuff you should have done by now. Why didn't you do any of that? Well, it's too late now. That's a long list.
Good luck. If none of this works (Which it didn’t for me. I’m a wreck.) then Walgreens has a good deal on generic Pepto this week.
