Types of Wrenches
The following is a list of types of wrenches in order of my favorite to least favorite:
Crescent Wrench – Adjustable, dependable, space-efficient.
Combination Wrench – Open at one end, with a ring on the other. You can twirl it on your finger.
Pipe Wrench – Grabs the hell out of pipes. You ain’t seen nothin’ ‘til you’ve seen a pipe wrench go to town on a pipe.
Ratcheted Socket Wrench – Makes an awesome “trtch trtch” sound. Also, you can pretend you know about cars if you’re holding one.
Monkey Wrench – Hee hee hee … monkeys … holding wrenches.
Lug Wrench – Good for taking out of your trunk to look busy while you wait for AAA.
Allen Wrench – Also known as a Hex key, because old Gypsy ladies cast hexes with them to make your IKEA furniture break.
Fire Hydrant Wrench – Would be the most awesome wrench ever if it didn’t get confiscated by the fire department every time I use it.
Spanner – Same as a normal wrench, but in England. Hey, Brits, learn how to talk real English already.
Spoke Wrench – Used by dirty bike messengers to fix their dirty bikes. Right before they knock the sandwich out of your hand at the crosswalk. Yes, the same $9.49 sandwich you just bought seconds ago. That sandwich.
Torque Wrench – Thinks it’s so cool. Get over yourself, torque wrench.
Box-End Wrench – My least favorite wrench. Probably because my wife’s lover killed me with one, and now I’m a ghost haunting his hardware store. I mostly just knock things over and make lists.
