Levels of My Attention
Sometimes (read: often) I get distracted by my own thoughts or outside stimuli. I don’t mean to; I just do. That means that if I’m talking to you, you might not have my full attention. I apologize in advance.
It would probably be helpful to the both of us if you could gauge how much of my concentration you’ve got beforehand. So, here are the levels of my attention from greatest to least:
(Most Attentive)
1. We are in a room together / The TV is off.
2. We are in a room together / The TV is on.
3. We are in a room together / I have said something embarrassing to a stranger earlier / I am obsessing over it.
4. We are in a room together / I’m searching Facebook to see if that person has posted something about me embarrassing myself.
5. We are in a bar / I’ve had two drinks to calm down.
6. We are in a bar / I’ve had three drinks and am now drunk.
7. We are in a bar / I have said something embarrassing to the bartender (three drinks, remember).
8. We are on the phone after the bar / I am staring at a wall.
9. We are on the phone / I am microwaving nachos.
10. We are on the phone / I am eating nachos / A wolverine is attacking me.
11. A wolverine is attacking me and the TV is on.
12. I am exhausted from a wolverine attack.
13. I realize my nachos are gone / I am hungry.
14. I am obsessing over having said something embarrassing to the wolverine / Do you think it heard me call it a badger? / Was it offended?
15. The wolverine has not yet accepted my Facebook friend request where I apologized for calling it a badger / The TV is on / I am hungry.
(Least Attentive)
Pulling An Andy
Alright, guys, can we maybe think up a new meaning for the phrase "to pull an Andy?" Maybe something more positive?
I know "pulling an Andy" has a lot of meanings already. Like sometimes people say it to mean "I forgot to plug my headphones into my work computer, and I don't notice that everyone can hear me listening to Gwen Stefani."
Or, sometimes "pulling an Andy" means "getting drunk off two drinks and crashing my bicycle into a thorny rose bush and then screaming 'cause I think cats are attacking me."
Or, it could imply "getting so flustered by the unregulated, unkempt line at the movie theater that I throw a hissy fit and end up ruining the entire experience of going to see the newest Pixar movie."
It's a phrase that can mean many, many things. But, for whatever reason it usually means something embarrassing or off-putting. Why do you think that is? Weird coincidence, huh?
I was thinking "to pull an Andy" could start meaning "to say just the right cutting remark at exactly to right moment to somehow changes a racist's perception of their own racism."
Or, maybe "pulling an Andy" could mean "having a luxurious, Nordic god-like beard that gets you discovered as a high-end beard model and then getting flown all around Europe to model your beard."
This is just me spit-balling some ideas. I'm totally open to whatever you guys think "pulling an Andy" could mean. As long as it's not "burning the roof of your mouth on hot pizza and then sneezing out the pizza so that huge chunks of cheese fly onto your date's face and scarf."
I'd prefer it not mean that any longer.
So, yeah, whatever you guys come up with is fine. Just pass it by me before locking it down. I'm thinking something more "heroic/noble" and less "spazzy/bodily-functiony."
Thanks a bunch.