Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

One Leg at a Time

Posted on February 14, 2011

I’m just like everyone else. I put my pants on one leg at a time. Same as all of you out there.

Well … um … my butler puts my pants on for me. One leg at a time, though, which is very similar to everyone else. Yessir, every morning at 11 a.m., I awake and have my pants put on---

I’m sorry; I lied. It’s my valet who helps me get into my pants. I don’t know why I said butler. Maybe I was trying to seem more down-to-earth by implying I have only a butler to help me instead of both a butler and a valet.

There’s an important distinction between the two. My butler is in charge of the male household staff, specifically in the dining room and wine cellar. My valet is more of my gentleman’s gentleman. He helps me with shaving and putting on pants and the like.

If my valet is away on holiday, one of my footmen usually helps me put on pants. But, I swear it’s one leg at a time.

Also, technically they aren’t referred to as pants. They’re jodhpurs. You see, I’m going riding later, so my valet is helping me to put on my jodhpurs one leg at a time. Just like everybody.

They’re breeches. I’m sorry. They’re not jodhpurs; they’re breeches. Geez, I keep underplaying things. I thought maybe you might not understand the difference between jodhpurs and breeches, which have different lengths and accompanying boot styles. And, I didn’t want to seem pretentious by having to call that out.

I guess it’s because I’m nervous. I want you all to like me even though my life must seem so different than yours. What with the servants and hunting weekends in the country. And the many, many galas.

I swear, though, whatever legs coverings I’m wearing---be it breeches or tuxedo trousers or silken pajamas from the deepest Orient---I have them put on one leg at a time. I promise you that.

Please like me.


Yoga Pants

Posted on December 30, 2010

Yoga Pants

Hi, welcome to Lydia’s Yoga Shop. We sell activewear for the active woman. Come on in, and I’ll give you the tour.  As you can see, we sell a wide range of yoga pants here at Lydia’s Yoga.

First up is our Kriya style of yoga pant. These are cut low at the waist and are terrific for everyday wear--running errands, catching a matinee. These start at around $78.

Next, we have our Prana yoga pants. These pants are cut higher in the waist with comfortable flat-locked seams. This style is terrific for swinging by a boutique or Trader Joes. These start at around $95 and come in charcoal or midnight black.

I should mention that none of our yoga pants are meant specifically for yoga. In fact, we actively discourage doing actual yoga in these yoga pants. It’s far too sweaty.

These are our Turiya yoga pants. These are designed to be worn during pedicures. Note the  four-way stretch in the seat and the slight flair along the leg opening. These start at around $112 and come in a massage oil-resistant fabric.

Our Abhaya yoga pants are great for picking up little Dashiell or Dakota from Montessori. They have a pleasant lift and separation in the seat. These are $140, but it’s worth the price when you see the jealous looks on the “working” mothers’ faces.

Again, we ask that you not do any yoga or yoga-related activities in these pants. No pilates, please.

Our Swami yoga pants are designed for watching Julia Roberts movies. They feature hip pockets and anti-chafing Juliamax™ technology. These are on sale today for $98.

Ah, I see you’ve noticed the Maitri yoga pants. These are perfect for a visit to the spa or a weekend away to Napa with your girlfriends. They’re also great for quick trips to Starbucks or the mall. You can have an affair with your personal trainer in these, or you could read the Betsey Johnson interview in Vanity Fair. Really, these are great for reading any magazines—O Magazine, Glamour Magazine, Elle, Real Simple, Vogue, Cosmo, US Weekly … God, do you remember Domino Magazine? I miss Domino.

You could sign up for an awareness walk in our Maitri yoga pants. You can shop for gluten or soy-free groceries in these. They’re good for attending museum events or gallery openings or divorce hearings. These yoga pants are great to wear while recycling huge numbers of plastic water bottles. You can dabble in starting a wallpaper design business in these. You can carry your tiny dog around the dog park in these. You can shop for bridesmaid dresses in these.

Really they’re good for anything except yoga. They cost around $125, and the matte finish is a nice contrast to any over-sized diamonds you might be wearing.

Can I interest you in any of our cashmere tanks or camis?