Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Rogue Cop

Posted on August 19, 2010

Detective Special

Yes, I am a rogue cop who does whatever it takes to bring scumbags to justice. Yes, I play by my own rules. But, at least I have rules. Nobody acknowledges that part.

Here are my rules:

- I will never punch a baby. No matter what information it might know.

- I will only plant evidence on the guilty.

- I will always avenge the mob-related deaths of my informants within one week of said death.

- I will never own a car built after 1985.

- I will keep my stubble healthy through weekly conditioning treatments.

- I will hand in my badge and firearm at least once during every case.

- I will own only timeless, never trendy leather jackets.

- I will only sometimes plant evidence on my ex-wife's jerk boyfriend.

- I will grunt grudging acceptance of my new black and/or female partner.

- I will shroud my past in lonesome secret.

- I will refer to everyone by his or her last name.

- I will keep a photo of my estranged children next to my bed to provide some small point of empathy.

- I will drink all the time. That's a promise.

- I will use the c-word in front of priests but never nuns.

- I will roll my own cigarettes, which is not at all a silly affectation reserved for men who lacked a strong male presence in their teens.

- I will never play frisbee.

- I will strut. Again, that's a promise.