Wait For It… a blog by Andy Ross

Skydiving Questions

Posted on June 28, 2010

Excuse me, Mr. Skydiving Instructor? Tad, was it? I don’t want to be a bother, but I have a quick question or two before we take off.

Okay, I think I’ve got my tuck and roll ready for the landing. And, I’ve checked and re-checked that my chute is packed properly. Then, I went ahead and re-re-checked, just in case. But, after this two-hour skydivng lesson, I did want to ask a few things before we leap out of a moving airplane.

Like, when you said that some people pass out when they jump, but they usually wake up in time to pull their rip cord. You wouldn’t have any percentages on that “usually,” would you? And, is there a way to avoid that altogether?

Also, is that the plane we going to fly up in? Because, it looks very old and sad. Like it might still remember some of its old WWII missions. If that plane started to crash, would we have time to jump out with our parachutes?

Are these straps supposed to dig so hard in my crotch area? Because, one of my … guys … is ascending, and I’m feeling a little queasy. But, if it’s a safety thing, I’m fine with it.

Um, and why is “Live Every Day Like It’s Your Last” the motto for your skydiving school? Is that supposed to be ironic? Or tempting fate? Or are you guys dumb, maybe?

Finally—and I’m going to open this one up to the whole class—why are we doing this? I mean, I know that for me, I lost a bet, and it was either this or have a swear word tattooed on my neck. But, if I didn’t have to do this, I wouldn’t. Because, I have a family that loves me, and I understand that my actions have consequences that affect those around me.

So, I guess my final question is: Does anyone have any weed or a Valium I could borrow? Or three Valium, maybe? That’d be a big help. Thanks.